Contract Terminated, burden

I guess I should take some time off permanently. I should be in-general for making friends, cause when your in-general, what you say matter in-general. When you make better friends, what you say really do make a better impact. I can't blame them for taking me seriously, they were the better friends. Maybe cause there were too many complications on my side. Maybe cause there were loads of bullshit from my side. Maybe cause I've been a bad soldier, not following the platoon. Maybe cause what I really say, really meant something serious to them, I should stop.

Stop having emotional conversations.
Stop sharing my right of mind.
Stop the gossip.
Stop the sadness.
Stop the happiness.
Stop saying bad things.
Stop saying nice things.
Stop my bullshit.
Stop my friendship.

Stop the 'exclusive' outings of only 4, cause now its only 3. Jeus just resigned ABLE company therefore suffering casualties of 25% manpower. Still ABLE company can make it 100% fun. Too much trouble from me, too much trouble to everybody. AnnaJunhungQiJeus

P.S - Anna: was trying to help you with that post right after you blocked me, I was trying to care. Wasn't meant to insult you.

I felt every ounce of me screaming out but the sound was trapped deep in me

Don't feel that good, was really pissed cause Luke pushed my face into the glass window when I was licking it. Hurts like fuck, tears start collecting in my eyes. Happened many times, even when I scratch my nose real bad.

After that, went to canteen and start listening to Nano talk his/her magic. Plays whatever I want to hear everytime, unless there is no song of such in the memory. Then I was at a table with Nic Hui, Qi and her. Nic took my paper popular card out and tore it. She came from changing and asked if that was her card. Nic said 'yes, he tore it' while referring to me. She started saying a whole load of bullshit on why I emotionally cried so easily. Well just in case you were failing your bio like your chem, nose and eyes are closely positioned through sinus therefore effecting both when either irritated. Oh well, since I cry so easily, you? Crying just cause your fat, crying cause people say your fat. Then eat more KFC. Then crying when you walk home alone. Crying when you fall from your horse. Oh yes I remember that one.

Oh how emo can I be, but never cry. You can be a girl with a non-existing hole between your legs, you can use that as an excuse. But seriously don't bullshit and mean it. People get pissed, like how the russian acts.

Played tennis at ssc, manage to get a hint of serving and technical court play. After 2 hours of tennis with Coach James, went to eat. Met up with dad and had a drink. Left in a cab. Thanks, to Qi and her mom for the dog food, haven't fed Spud with that yet.

Got loads of english to do, lit draft due very soon. Gotta try harder to get better grades.

15 signing out,
Jeus

20 mililitres of adrenalin

Watched Crank, was pretty cool show. new concept of filming, about this bounty hunter getting drugged by this poison that will slow his heart down eventually stopping it. So he constantly consumes tons of red bull and energy bars to keep himself alive to take revenge on his 'boss' who planned all this. There was one scene where he was going to die, then he had to fuck his girlfriend at Chinatown just to get his adrenalin running. Everyone was watching them get it on. Fucking funny. Bloody hell, air-con not working.

Just booked a 2 hour tennis session with Coach James at laguna club. Must learn how to serve and backhand. Fucking lit draft due soon, have to work damn hard for it. FUCKING DOROTHY's idea to force every sec 3 to take lit. just wasting our time, putting extra workload on my fucking shoulders. Of course she doesn't have to mark it, she has to take time off looking for her pussy for her husband to fuck. Or maybe its the other way round, too much fat. 'Sometimes Seng Chiy has really bad gastric, Sam can you go check on Seng Chiy? I don't want him to die, he's the closest size to me therefore not making me left out when I teach in class'-no offense Seng Chiy. Have to see her nearly everyday, except for Fridays. I love Tuesdays and Fridays, least proper lessons.

Aubrey better fucking bring my earphones tomorrow. Hate being without Nano, can't listen to anything when I'm bored. Catching a flu without air-con, is it even possible??? Nose damn itchy, keep scratching it. Didn't know they had ready made oatmeal, pakaged and ready to drink. Just without the oat, needs a little sugar though. Made Spud's food mix, consisting of dog jerky, oven baked biscuits, 'charco' and dog food. He ate alot, should make more mix so he can eat and be big to scare off strangers. Also bought him a collar and clipped on his license, OHH Spud has a 'identity card' clipped to his neck now! :) I mean if I don't put a collar on him, then SPCA will stuff a microchip up his ass and fine $5000. But Spud doesn't want a microchip, cause Spud is sooooooooooooo CUUUUTTTTEEEE. However, he looks like a girl dog, in my perspective. Oh yea, gonna fail english summary. Was sleeping the whole test. Getting tired now, gonna play some capcom.

15 down with a flu signing out,
Jeus

Progress Report: Tennis

Got a private session with Coach James on Tuesday, now can least hit a confident back-hand top-spin. Just need to relax when I swing through and not muscle it whenever I come in ball-contact. Oh yea also need to watch contact point. Next lesson: how to surf, how to backspin slice. I think I'm gonna join the junior development program after I get my basics right.

Went to Sushi Tei on Monday and Thai Express today, both with Anna and Qi. Damn the Pat Thai noodles @ Thai Express and half-broiled sushi set @ Sushi Tei was sooo goood. Need to go back some other time, when my cash stack becomes thicker and more lush. Went bowling after tennis training with my parents and some of their friends on Tuesday. Now just shower and going to do some weights, 300 movie very inspiring. Must work MORE, more GYM.

Found a little brandy containing golf-ball, will bring it to school tomorrow to drink during math. ha ha ha, can put Baileys into. BAILEYS CARAMEL CREME ARE TEH DRINK OF GOD BROUGHT TO EARTH, thats why we must drink it every day just to cherish Gods gift.

Bloody Nike head phones not working, have to get refund from the indian shop I bought it from. Owe ramesh alot of work, have to get it from Aubrey to copy. Otherwise he's gonna 'blackmail' me by calling my parents, chh. This term must try to get good grades.

happy 15 signing out,
Jeus

Hurry I'm falling, I Tried it, wasn't that Bad

Guess we all got excuses for ourselves every day eh? Well I'm not your mom or your coach, I can't stop you from falling to into a pit you dug. Well call me a nosey ass fucker but this will be my very last attempt. Your schedule, wake up to tell yourself to feel tired and go to school. Then whine on yourself having a problematic body figure which no one mentions. Say you'll go anorexic, have my friends say your fine then forget about it. I mean speaking about what you do, just chill and chill and chill in your room. Visit blogs and complain on how these people are so hot naturally and their boyfriends have square chests. Then visit friendster profiles and be all interesting, sms sms sms sms anyone cause you know you get unlimited attention. Then when someone decides to be an asshole of the day and say something about your figure, you go crazy and start not eating. Then decides to go anorexic. Yea you go training, so, training's not just gonna solve everything. You know the ACS(I) ruggers good enough, you should know they don't get their figures just by rugby training. They GYM and eat properly and not sugary pastry every night cause its SOOO GOOD and its MELTED with ICING. No GYM does not make you a man, light gyming can burn fats while toning your muscles and not build it. So you just burn fats if you carry lighter weights for more times and slow jogs on treadmills. Then you say its gonna take like a year, well if u are committed enough it won't take a year. So go ahead, strain yourself, when its finally bad enough with no return go have fun counting your ribs and puking after having every meal cause your body will just reject everything you eat.

my Mistakes will make me Strong, I'm staring out into the great Unknown

Well its a holiday, played ps2 in my brothers room for most of the day. Dad asked me if I wanted to go to national day at the marina bay stadium, refused with a little argument. He went with my mom instead.
Watched my brother get all happy and stuff after getting 31 killing blows in battleground with his new sword, lent him my PSP, he tried beating Blake on a very hard exhibition match, lost loads. Played SRS, my celica suck balls, too much under-steer but it packed 600 horses.
Mom came in before she left and asked me to bathe Spud, cause she apparently did not shower him since last week. Changed, went down and started playing tennis against the wall, lost 3 balls. Then bathed Spud, ears are fucking dirty. Practiced more tennis. Watched monster-in-law on HBO, had dinner while watching. Pretty amusing, wishing that I will have such a life. Went up to my room and started playing tennis again, obsessed with the sport. Gonna go practice some more.

Bummed up 15 signing out,
Jeus

Least You Guys were Happy

Haven't slept in the pass 24 hours and I'm feeling weird. Like my brain don't exist but I'm subconsciously doing what I wanted to do.
Decided not to sleep since I know I won't wake up on time the next day, had a chat with Anna over the phone for a while. Sorry for not answering your call back, closed my eyes at 4.30 am and woke up at 5 am to see 3 missed calls and a message. Called her twice and smsed her when I was about to leave the house, she picked up and hung up straight away. Took a cab to her house, cause she needed me to collect her shoes, waited there for 15 minutes and called her constantly. She never picked up. Told the cab driver to proceed to Holland Village, half-way through the journey, she called me. Questioned me about why did I leave for school so early and why I didn't fetch her shoes. I told her that I tried to but she did not pick up.
"whatever lah" she hangs up, it was my fault? I followed instructions, I was late for school, what else do you want me to do? Guess she took it as I forgot about it and was making an excuse.
Never going to another national day again, if it was outdoors. Bright, hot sun was in my face the whole morning. After the national day celebrations, saw her and Qi walking off with Masashi, I think. Called a cab and asked Kai if he was going anywhere, he asked me if I wanted to go Nic's house. Went to food junction and met them to go together. Bought some snacks before boarding a cab, took a shower there and chilled for about 10 hours. Had dinner and went home with Kai.

Bored 15 signing out,
Jeus

Blueprints to Friendship

Wow, time and time again. You've worked your temporary magic, could have, should have learned to cherish it. Maybe people should not care so much eh??? Maybe I'm just dying for attention, you provided it way more than anyone else. Maybe thats why I took it for granted??? Time will tell, should tell, let it simmer like a salmon in a pot full of herbs. That way, it won't just be raw emotion all cooked up inside, but when its done, a container full of happiness brought back to the feast of the four and beyond. Stop bothering it, leave it alone so there and then it would absorb the tasty goodness of friendship and hold the flavors forever. Tried to forget the dead past cause it ain't easy when your a disposed leftover but when I'm fully cooked, dinner will be served.

half-boiled 15 signing out,
Jeus

Do You Still Love Me in the Morning?

Hitch: 'every woman wakes up in the morning to ask themselves, will I meet that special someone? That question alone keeps them wandering their whole lives therefore giving them a reason to love. However, men don't seem to ask that question, instead they ask themselves if they would be special to someone else."

Watched that show again, turned it off half way through. Couldn't take all the perfect and happy ending bullshit they throw at you nearly every channel. All the things made simple in movies is not much depicting life but a fairytale set in modern times. Perfection doesn't apply to anyone cause the whole damn world is made so fucking unfair. When you love someone too much, its 'wrong', when you don't love them that much, maybe they should be just 'friends'.What kinda fucking horseshit is that?!?!? There's no in between, as when the hearts leave you when you hold them too tightly, leave you questioning and find no reason. I'm just trying to be fucking special, diamond out of the hay-sack. When she gets bored of you, she starts to not talk about it and pretend she doesn't want the diamond in the hay-sack at all. Well maybe I try too hard huh??!?!!? And they say do your best, well if you don't like my fucking best then tell me my fucking best is just a splinter in your finger. Don't have to stop talking and then say its not working out, what the fuck does that mean??? She's the one that stopped the interest, instead of trying to improvise. Its like a little kid that gets bored of Barney and the change channel to JJ the Jet fucking Plane. Fucking bougus love shit, fuck that priest that started the whole valentines day thing, I don't need it anyway.

15 signing out
Jeus